Funnies of the Week

To Be Six Again

A man was sitting on the edge of the bed, observing his wife turning back and forth, looking at herself in the

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The Perfect Husband

Several men are in the locker room of a golf club. A cell phone on a bench rings and a man engages

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The Greatest Blonde Joke of All Time

So this blonde is in a plane, and beside her is a distinguished lawyer, who, on the inside loves to play games.

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Words of Memorial at My Funeral

Three pastors of different churches in the same city met twice per month for coffee, encouragement and fellowship. One day while they

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Why Seniors Still Need Newspapers

I was visiting my granddaughter last night when I asked her if I could borrow a newspaper. “This is the 21st century,”

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The Aging Fisherman

A guy is 82 years old and loves to fish. He was sitting in his boat the other day when he heard

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Pour It In The River

A minister was completing a sermon on temperance. With great emphasis he said, “If I had all the beer in the world,

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My Crazy Neighbor

This morning I saw my neighbor talking to her cat. It was obvious that she thought her cat understood her. I came

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Mothers As Described By Second Graders

BRILLIANT answers on mothers given by 2nd grade school children to the following questions. Why did God make mothers? 1. She’s the

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Internet Scams

There are so many scams on the internet now a days. Send me $19.95 and I will tell you how to avoid

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His Last Wish!

“Well, I think the time has finally come,” the new priest sadly exclaimed to his fellow church members at the Bishop’s wake.

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Grandmothers – Described By an Eight-Year-Old

A grandmother is a lady who has no children of her own, so she likes other people’s children. A grandfather is a

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God Loves Drunk People Too

A man and his wife were awakened at 3:00 a.m. by a loud pounding on the door. The man gets up and

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Chinese Doctor

A Chinese doctor could not find a job in a hospital in the U.S. so he opens a clinic and puts a

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Gun Control Regulations for Seniors

So I got my concealed gun permit yesterday… and went over to the local Bass Pro Shop to get a small 9mm

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Cheap Christmas Gift

On Christmas morning a woman told her husband, “I just dreamed that you gave me a beautiful diamond necklace. What do you

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Bulletin Bloopers

The Fasting and Prayer Conference includes meals.  The sermon this morning: ‘Jesus Walks on the Water.’ The sermon tonight: ‘Searching for Jesus.’ 

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Boss Hog

A man called the church and spoke with the church secretary and said, “I would like to speak to the head hog

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An Old Pastor

An old pastor lay dying. He sent a message for an Internal Revenue Service agent and his lawyer to come to the

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A Joint Account

At the bank, I told the teller, “I would like to open a joint account, please.” “Ok, with whom,” the female teller

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A Homeless Man’s Funeral

As a bagpiper, I play many gigs. Recently I was asked by a funeral director to play at a graveside service for

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Four-Year-Old and False Teeth

While working for an organization that delivers lunches to elderly shut-ins, I used to take my four-year-old daughter on my afternoon rounds.

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A Circumcision

Little Joey and Little Danny, both aged 5, are walking home from school. Danny says “I won’t be going to school tomorrow.”

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A Cat’s Place in Heaven

A German Shepherd, a Doberman, and a cat died. In heaven all three faced God, Who wanted to know what they believed

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Gender Test for Computers

There were some adults taking a computer science course at a Community College and after a few weeks of classes their professor

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Bubba had Shingles

Bubba walked into a doctor’s office and the receptionist asked him what he had. Bubba said, “Shingles.” So she wrote down his

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The Good Salesman

Boudreaux, the smoothest-talking Cajun in the Louisiana National Guard, go called up to active duty. Boudreaux’s first assignment was in a military

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Actual Classified Ads

The following were actual classified ads that appeared In a large metropolitan city newspaper in the classified section: Free Yorkshire Terrier. 8

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The Tech Wedding

A young girl in her twenties and away from home decides to get married and sends the following email to her Dad:

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Jewish Christmas

The teacher asked young Patrick Murphy, “What do you do at Christmas time?” Patrick addressed the class, “Well Mrs. Jones, my twelve

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Tech Fast

I had a power outage at my house this morning and my PC, laptop, TV, DVD, IPad, and my new surround sound

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Two Rednecks Hunting

Two rednecks are out hunting, and as they are walking along they come upon a huge hole in the ground. They approach

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My Favorite Animal

Our teacher asked what my favorite animal was, and I said, “Fried chicken.” She said I wasn’t funny, but she couldn’t have

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Facebook Principles

For those of my older generation (like me) who do not really comprehend the need for Facebook: Presently, I am trying to

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The Indian Chief’s Weather Forecast

It was autumn, and the Indians on the remote reservation asked their new Chief if the winter was going to be cold

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New and Improved

The little girl was sitting in her grandfather’s lap as he read her a story. From time to time she would take

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The Parrot

A young man named John received a parrot as a gift. The parrot had a bad attitude and an even worse vocabulary.

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Three Holy Men and a Bear

A Catholic Priest, a Baptist Preacher, and a Rabbi all served as chaplains to the students of Northern Michigan University in Marquette.

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The Farmer

A farmer named Clyde had a tractor accident. In court, the trucking company’s fancy hot shot lawyer, was questioning Clyde. “Didn’t you

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The Human Brain

The human brain is one of the most astonishing things in God’s creation. It starts forming about three weeks after conception. Weighing

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My Wife is Missing

A man called the police department because his wife had been missing overnight. When the police sergeant answered the phone, the husband

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How is Your Knowledge of the Bible?

In one of the southern states a man felt he had been called to preach. So he applied for admission to the

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Softball in Heaven

Two 90-year-old women, Bertha and Betty, had been friends all of their lives. When it was clear that Bertha was dying, Betty

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Kids in Church

Three-year-old Reese was heard praying: “Our Father, Who does art in heaven, Harold is His name. Amen.” A little six-year-old boy named

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DEA Officer’s Badge

A DEA officer stops at a ranch in Texas and talks with an old rancher. He tells the rancher, “I need to

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A Dead Duck

A woman brought a very limp duck into a veterinary surgeon. As she laid her pet on the table, the vet pulled

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Billy Graham’s Chauffeur

Billy Graham was returning to Charlotte after a speaking engagement and when his plane arrived there was a limousine there to transport

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The Blonde Brunette

A brunette goes into a doctor’s office and says that her body hurts wherever she touches it. “Impossible,” says the doctor. “Show

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The Wrong Email Address

A Minneapolis couple decided to go to Florida to thaw out during a particularly icy winter. They planned to stay at the

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The Lone Ranger and Tonto

The Lone Ranger and Tonto stopped in the desert for the night. After they got their tent all set up, both men

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The Good Samaritan

A man died and went to heaven and stood before St. Peter at the gates of heaven. Peter asked the man, “Why

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The Dumb Politician

A congressional candidate in a district in East Texas is running on the platform of banning all guns in America. He is

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The Canary

Mr. Johnson was working in his garage when a neighbor’s daughter, Sally, came in and asked him if he had a box

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The Atheist Teacher

A young female teacher with obvious liberal tendencies explains to her class of small children that she is an atheist. She asks

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Replacement Windows

Last year I replaced all the windows in my house with that expensive, double-paned, energy efficient kind, and today, I got a

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OOPS!

Several days ago, as I left a meeting at our church, I desperately gave myself a personal TSA pat down. I was

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Honey, Does This Make Me Look Fat?

Studies have shown that women who are a bit overweight live longer than men who mention it!

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Don’t Mess with Seniors

George Phillips, an elderly man from Walled Lake, Michigan, was going up to bed, when his wife told him that he had

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Adam’s Rib

Adam was walking around the Garden of Eden feeling very lonely, so God asked Adam, “What is wrong with you?” Adam said,

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