Funnies of the Week

Words of Memorial at My Funeral

Three pastors of different churches in the same city met twice per month for coffee, encouragement and fellowship. One day while they

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Why Seniors Still Need Newspapers

I was visiting my granddaughter last night when I asked her if I could borrow a newspaper. “This is the 21st century,”

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The Aging Fisherman

A guy is 82 years old and loves to fish. He was sitting in his boat the other day when he heard

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Pour It In The River

A minister was completing a sermon on temperance. With great emphasis he said, “If I had all the beer in the world,

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My Crazy Neighbor

This morning I saw my neighbor talking to her cat. It was obvious that she thought her cat understood her. I came

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Mothers As Described By Second Graders

BRILLIANT answers on mothers given by 2nd grade school children to the following questions. Why did God make mothers? 1. She’s the

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Internet Scams

There are so many scams on the internet now a days. Send me $19.95 and I will tell you how to avoid

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His Last Wish!

“Well, I think the time has finally come,” the new priest sadly exclaimed to his fellow church members at the Bishop’s wake.

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Grandmothers – Described By an Eight-Year-Old

A grandmother is a lady who has no children of her own, so she likes other people’s children. A grandfather is a

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God Loves Drunk People Too

A man and his wife were awakened at 3:00 a.m. by a loud pounding on the door. The man gets up and

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Chinese Doctor

A Chinese doctor could not find a job in a hospital in the U.S. so he opens a clinic and puts a

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Gun Control Regulations for Seniors

So I got my concealed gun permit yesterday… and went over to the local Bass Pro Shop to get a small 9mm

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Cheap Christmas Gift

On Christmas morning a woman told her husband, “I just dreamed that you gave me a beautiful diamond necklace. What do you

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Bulletin Bloopers

The Fasting and Prayer Conference includes meals.  The sermon this morning: ‘Jesus Walks on the Water.’ The sermon tonight: ‘Searching for Jesus.’ 

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Boss Hog

A man called the church and spoke with the church secretary and said, “I would like to speak to the head hog

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An Old Pastor

An old pastor lay dying. He sent a message for an Internal Revenue Service agent and his lawyer to come to the

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A Joint Account

At the bank, I told the teller, “I would like to open a joint account, please.” “Ok, with whom,” the female teller

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A Homeless Man’s Funeral

As a bagpiper, I play many gigs. Recently I was asked by a funeral director to play at a graveside service for

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Four-Year-Old and False Teeth

While working for an organization that delivers lunches to elderly shut-ins, I used to take my four-year-old daughter on my afternoon rounds.

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A Circumcision

Little Joey and Little Danny, both aged 5, are walking home from school. Danny says “I won’t be going to school tomorrow.”

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A Cat’s Place in Heaven

A German Shepherd, a Doberman, and a cat died. In heaven all three faced God, Who wanted to know what they believed

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Gender Test for Computers

There were some adults taking a computer science course at a Community College and after a few weeks of classes their professor

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Bubba had Shingles

Bubba walked into a doctor’s office and the receptionist asked him what he had. Bubba said, “Shingles.” So she wrote down his

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The Good Salesman

Boudreaux, the smoothest-talking Cajun in the Louisiana National Guard, go called up to active duty. Boudreaux’s first assignment was in a military

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Actual Classified Ads

The following were actual classified ads that appeared In a large metropolitan city newspaper in the classified section: Free Yorkshire Terrier. 8

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The Tech Wedding

A young girl in her twenties and away from home decides to get married and sends the following email to her Dad:

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Jewish Christmas

The teacher asked young Patrick Murphy, “What do you do at Christmas time?” Patrick addressed the class, “Well Mrs. Jones, my twelve

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Tech Fast

I had a power outage at my house this morning and my PC, laptop, TV, DVD, IPad, and my new surround sound

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Two Rednecks Hunting

Two rednecks are out hunting, and as they are walking along they come upon a huge hole in the ground. They approach

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My Favorite Animal

Our teacher asked what my favorite animal was, and I said, “Fried chicken.” She said I wasn’t funny, but she couldn’t have

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Facebook Principles

For those of my older generation (like me) who do not really comprehend the need for Facebook: Presently, I am trying to

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The Indian Chief’s Weather Forecast

It was autumn, and the Indians on the remote reservation asked their new Chief if the winter was going to be cold

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New and Improved

The little girl was sitting in her grandfather’s lap as he read her a story. From time to time she would take

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The Parrot

A young man named John received a parrot as a gift. The parrot had a bad attitude and an even worse vocabulary.

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Three Holy Men and a Bear

A Catholic Priest, a Baptist Preacher, and a Rabbi all served as chaplains to the students of Northern Michigan University in Marquette.

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The Farmer

A farmer named Clyde had a tractor accident. In court, the trucking company’s fancy hot shot lawyer, was questioning Clyde. “Didn’t you

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The Human Brain

The human brain is one of the most astonishing things in God’s creation. It starts forming about three weeks after conception. Weighing

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My Wife is Missing

A man called the police department because his wife had been missing overnight. When the police sergeant answered the phone, the husband

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How is Your Knowledge of the Bible?

In one of the southern states a man felt he had been called to preach. So he applied for admission to the

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Softball in Heaven

Two 90-year-old women, Bertha and Betty, had been friends all of their lives. When it was clear that Bertha was dying, Betty

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Kids in Church

Three-year-old Reese was heard praying: “Our Father, Who does art in heaven, Harold is His name. Amen.” A little six-year-old boy named

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DEA Officer’s Badge

A DEA officer stops at a ranch in Texas and talks with an old rancher. He tells the rancher, “I need to

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A Dead Duck

A woman brought a very limp duck into a veterinary surgeon. As she laid her pet on the table, the bet pulled

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Billy Graham’s Chauffeur

Billy Graham was returning to Charlotte after a speaking engagement and when his plane arrived there was a limousine there to transport

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The Blonde Brunette

A brunette goes into a doctor’s office and says that her body hurts wherever she touches it. “Impossible,” says the doctor. “Show

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The Wrong Email Address

A Minneapolis couple decided to go to Florida to thaw out during a particularly icy winter. They planned to stay at the

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The Lone Ranger and Tonto

The Lone Ranger and Tonto stopped in the desert for the night. After they got their tent all set up, both men

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The Good Samaritan

A man died and went to heaven and stood before St. Peter at the gates of heaven. Peter asked the man, “Why

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The Dumb Politician

A congressional candidate in a district in East Texas is running on the platform of banning all guns in America. He is

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The Canary

Mr. Johnson was working in his garage when a neighbor’s daughter, Sally, came in and asked him if he had a box

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The Atheist Teacher

A young female teacher with obvious liberal tendencies explains to her class of small children that she is an atheist. She asks

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Replacement Windows

Last year I replaced all the windows in my house with that expensive, double-paned, energy efficient kind, and today, I got a

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OOPS!

Several days ago, as I left a meeting at our church, I desperately gave myself a personal TSA pat down. I was

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Honey, Does This Make Me Look Fat?

Studies have shown that women who are a bit overweight live longer than men who mention it!

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Don’t Mess with Seniors

George Phillips, an elderly man from Walled Lake, Michigan, was going up to bed, when his wife told him that he had

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Adam’s Rib

Adam was walking around the Garden of Eden feeling very lonely, so God asked Adam, “What is wrong with you?” Adam said,

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