Know Your Identity

It happened again. For the third week in a row on the night my dad was scheduled to pick up my brother and me, instead we cried ourselves to sleep. We were so upset he forgot us we did not even eat dinner before bed. It had become a frequent occurrence in the few months since our parents had divorced. As an eight-year old boy this was difficult for me to understand. Before they divorced, my dad had taken my brother and me fishing, hunting, sledding, and done many other things that were memorable for us. But now, suddenly, my dad was gone and we rarely saw him.

I was the oldest of five children and each of us were heartbroken over and over when my dad promised to do something with us and then never showed up. This time it was the circus. My mom had gotten my brother and me ready and we waited excitedly for our dad for hours only to finally realize he would not be coming for us yet again. I wasn’t old enough to process the hurt, and the sting of feeling rejected by my dad impacted my self-worth in a negative way I did not realize until years later.

After my mom moved us from Davenport, Iowa to Houston, Texas things only got worse. As a kind of retaliation against my mom for moving us, my dad did not contact us very often. I never received a birthday card, birthday present, or any communication at all from my dad on any birthday as a child or teenager. I only remember one Christmas receiving presents sent by my stepmom. They were earmuffs and a scarf, which were not very useful to me in the hot Houston climate.

As I grew older, I always desired a close relationship with and approval from my dad. After graduating from high school, I immediately went into business and became very successful. Even then, my heart’s desire was to achieve enough success to have my dad watch and approve of me. It never happened.

What happened during those formative years was I unknowingly came into agreement with a lie about myself. My belief system was faulty and I took on a mindset of rejection. Even after I was born again and filled with the Spirit I continued to struggle with the issue of rejection. If someone declined to comply with a request of mine I took it personally. Whenever I did not receive an invitation to a friend’s party, I felt dejected and upset. I would become depressed if I thought someone ignored me or did not like me. These things would devastate me. I knew in my spirit it was wrong to feel this way, but I did not know what was causing it or how to overcome it.

I wondered what was going on and why I was acting out this way. I prayed, “Lord, why am I doing this? I cannot live like this anymore. I ask you to give me revelation and free me from the rejection that seems to rule my heart.” The Lord did just that. He showed me exactly what was going on. He revealed to me I had been ruled by rejection in my soul because my dad never affirmed me or made me feel loved and secure. As a young boy waiting for my dad to take us to the circus I had believed a lie that I was not worthy because I was not worth my dad’s time.

I will praise thee; for I am fearfully and wonderfully made: marvelous are thy works; and that my soul knoweth right well (Psalm 139:14).

This verse in Psalm chapter 139 speaks of our soul knowing very well we are fearfully and wonderfully made. God did not make a mistake when He created you and me. He formed and fashioned you with skillful hands. Your skin and hair color, height, and facial features were each part of God’s special design. In fact He calls you marvelous in this verse. These are truths He wants your soul to know very well.

A prosperous soul is one who knows his or her identity very well. That had been my problem. I could hear teachers or Christian friends tell me how special and loved I was and mentally assent to it. But I had another picture of myself etched on the canvas of my soul. It was a picture of abandonment, rejection, unworthiness, and shame. I did not like or love myself, and I even expected others to reject me. It was not until the Lord showed me that day I had unwittingly believed a lie about myself that I could repent and renounce that lie. For the first time, I was able to read scriptures like the one in Psalm 139 and the following verse and embrace it as truth and see myself in that truth.

To the praise of the glory of his grace, wherein he hath made us accepted in the beloved (Ephesians 1:6).

Did you read that? Wow. You and I are accepted in Him. We are not rejected! I prayed, “Lord, help my soul know that very well.” Once the Lord showed me the lie I had believed and I renounced it, I could read and believe what His Word said about me with no struggle. My soul began to know what His Word says about who I am rather than how I had allowed my past experiences to define me. The more I focused on what He said about me the more freedom I experienced.

Proverbs 17:6 says, “…the glory of children are their fathers.” We receive our identity from our natural fathers, our spiritual fathers (authorities in our life), and our heavenly Father. It can be a combination of all three, but if we fail to find our identity there we will end up living as orphans, seeking approval and affirmation from anyone and everyone around us.

I never did receive approval and affirmation from my earthly father. It was not until I learned to receive my identity from my heavenly Father and spiritual fathers that I was able to stop living a performance driven life. Before that time, I constantly sought approval from my dad and other people in my life. I was obsessed with success and controlled by the need for approval because I did not fully know my own identity as a son.

Today I am secure and free in my identity in Christ.

My soul had to come into alignment with the truth that was in my spirit man. I had to open up this area of my soul to Jesus in order to receive the truth of who He said I was. Although I did not receive affirmation and approval from my earthly dad, it was freely given to me by my heavenly Father, and some spiritual fathers in my life. God revealed and established His identity in me, and He will do the same for you.

Adapted from Greg Mohr’s book, A Prosperous Soul.