Freedom from Anger
I was listening to pastor Greg speak about relationships and specifically how internal anger is caused by an unfulfilled revenge or injustice against what someone has done to you. So I took that statement and looked within myself to see who in my life I never forgave because I’ve always had tremendous anger for years. As I looked through my life at different scenarios and things I’ve gone through, I couldn’t find anyone that I haven’t forgiven. Throughout my life, Jesus would always bring things up that I had been through (even things I forgot about) and ask if I would be willing to forgive; my answer was always, “Yes.”
I knew I had anger, but I couldn’t find the reason why. So I asked the Lord, “Who have I not forgiven?” And the Lord spoke to me and said, “Thomas, it’s true you’ve forgiven everyone in your life but you’ve never forgiven yourself.” When the Lord said that, it was like He revealed the darkest, most evil part of my heart. I saw how much hatred was there and it was all directed toward myself.
Now I could see why I was so angry; I knew the last person I needed to forgive in my life was me. But I couldn’t do it; I sat in class trying to hold myself together emotionally for about 30 minutes trying to forgive myself. When I tried, all the things I’ve done would come flooding back to me. I internally held myself to a standard and the things I said I would never do, I did them all. I didn’t have a problem forgiving others, but myself was much different and much harder.
I finally just told the Lord, “I can’t do it, I can’t forgive myself; I’m trying so hard to do it from my heart, but I can’t. How do I forgive myself?”
I know this is going to sound weird but the Lord said, “Just say, ‘Self, do you forgive me?’ And then say, ‘Self, I forgive you.”’
When I did that, it was like the blackness in my heart took form in a dark, disgusting, putrid ball and slowly was lifted from my heart. As it came out, it just dissipated into nothingness.
Once it was gone, I felt a great weight lifted off of me and off my heart. Before this, my heart in relationships were limited to the degree of how close I could be to someone, whether family or friends. But now my heart is open to other people; I want to be with people, love people, know who they are, and show them who I am.
Before this, I was very stand-offish; I was very quiet and never wanted anyone to know who I really was because deep-down, I hated that person. Forgiving myself opened my heart to love and to be with other people in a capacity I never had before. All the anger I had was completely gone. I didn’t realize how much bondage I was in with unforgiveness, but I also never knew I needed to forgive myself. I was completely set free once I forgave myself, and I love loving people now.
Believe God’s Report
On Saturday December 12, 2020, I went to the dentist after 3 weeks of dealing with what I thought were canker sores. After examining my mouth, the dentist told me I had to see an oral surgeon and have a biopsy to determine what the sores were. I was shocked! His office made an appointment for me first thing Monday morning.
As soon as I got home, my husband laid his hands on my face and prayed. I then went online to find out what “canker sores that won’t go away” could be? Oral cancer was first thing that came up, and the pictures were identical to my mouth. I was fearful when I read about the treatment etc.
I felt lead to call a few “specific” people to pray, those who believed in healing miracles. I then went right into the Word and kept His Word literally in front of my eyes.
That night about 3am I woke up feeling afraid. I said out loud “ABBA, I’m afraid! I need to hear from You!” At that moment, I felt the Lord so close and so near to me with such peace. And He spoke to my heart, “Hold onto My Word; Trust My Word.” “Thank You Abba I will”…. I drifted back into a peaceful sleep.
I woke Sunday morning at 6am and felt compelled to get into the Word, I was ravenous for the Word! I couldn’t get downstairs fast enough.
God began to lead me to scriptures…one of which was Isaiah 53:1. The Lord reminded me of your book, Your Healing Door, and told me to get the book out and read that chapter. I didn’t know where it was. “Please Holy Spirit, help me find it!” He answered my prayer right away! When I found chapter 8, on the opposite page I had testimonies written from 2017 when I had received words of knowledge from the 700 Club! My son was healed!
I was reminded of what God had done. I started reading that chapter and it was my key.
After several encounters with the Lord, Lynn received complete healing. She wrote the following:
On Monday 12/21 the doctor was amazed by the level of healing in my mouth, he said I was 75% healed and that he had never seen such healing apart from long term medical treatment! I told him that God had answered our prayers! He told me to come back in 2 weeks for a final check.
On January 4, 2021 I went back and I was totally healed! no sores! I asked him what he thought the first time he examined me… he said his first thought was oral cancer. I told him I believed that God miraculously healed me and he said my healing was miraculous! All glory to God!
I pray this testimony blessed and encouraged you. God used your book, Your Healing Door, as a piece of my healing journey. Isaiah 53:1 was crucial…. from the first moment I realized it could be cancer, I made a decision that I was going to hold onto God’s report and put God’s Word above every other word.
Share Your Testimony