A pirate walked into a church, and the pastor said, “Hey, I haven’t seen you in a while. What happened? You look terrible.”
“What do you mean?” said the pirate. “I feel fine.”
Pastor: “What about that wooden leg? You didn’t have that before.”
Pirate: “Well, we were in a battle, and I got hit with a cannon ball, but I’m fine now.”
Pastor: “Well, okay, but what about that hook?”
Pirate: “We were in another battle. I boarded a ship and got into a sword fight. My hand was cut off. I got fitted with a hook. I’m fine, really.
Pastor: “What about that eye patch?”
Pirate: “Oh, one day we were at sea and a flock of birds flew over. I looked up, and one of them pooped in my eye.”
Pastor: “You’re kidding! You lost an eye from bird poop?”
Pirate: “It was my first day with the hook.”
